IDENTITY BUILDING
Why Is Identity Important?
Our identity is the most important aspect of our being because it is the composite of all the physical, emotional, mental, sexual and spiritual development we have achieved to this moment.
Our identity provides us with a sense of personhood out of which we make all the choices in our lives. Since we each make hundreds of choices each day (what to wear, what to eat, to brush our teeth, how much money to spend, etc.), the identity from which we generate these decisions is very significant.
For example, people who have low self-esteem often don’t ask for what they want because they believe, consciously or subconsciously, that they don’t deserve to have their needs met. The only way to break this destructive pattern is to guide these individuals to consciously explore their belief systems using identity-building techniques.
It is a paradox that building our identity can be either the easiest or the most difficult thing we ever accomplish in life. We can be totally passive about it and simply let others define our identity for us, in which case we will generally be dissatisfied and angry with the results.
This is because other individuals who try to define our identity will inevitably end up meeting their own needs, not ours. Individuals who choose this easy route to identity usually have no real sense of power or purpose in their lives, and their emotional development tends to be stunted as well. They rarely feel real grief or real joy because they have never made any strong commitments to anyone or anything. These “high dependency” (needy) individuals mostly feel depressed, out of control, unreal, and weary with life. They often describe themselves as being or feeling numb. And they are the individuals who do drugs, alcohol, and other addictions to escape their sense of powerlessness. For many of these individuals, their addiction is the only way they know to control their lives, which is just another form of being out of control.
On the other hand, individuals who actively search for their identity are more likely to feel focused, energized, and in control of their lives. They are in touch with their power enough to want to learn more about themselves and to try to make changes in the negative aspects of their lives. They know how to cope with problems, responsibilities, and difficulties in a calm, effective manner. They have a sense of purpose and set goals for themselves.
Still, many needy individuals have not learned identity-building skills well enough to carry out their goals effectively.
Neither our educational system nor our mental health system has systematized training programs that teach basic adult coping skills that all adults must have to define and implement a fulfilled identity for themselves. It is not that this human development technology doesn’t exist; rather, it has not been pulled together and organized into comprehensive curricula in either the education or mental health fields. Until now. (Please see Classes for information about Adult Basic Coping Skills and Identity Building.)
It is a paradox that building our identity can be either the easiest or the most difficult thing we ever accomplish in life. We can be totally passive about it and simply let others define our identity for us, in which case we will generally be dissatisfied and angry with the results.
This is because other individuals who try to define our identity will inevitably end up meeting their own needs, not ours. Individuals who choose this easy route to identity usually have no real sense of power or purpose in their lives, and their emotional development tends to be stunted as well. They rarely feel real grief or real joy because they have never made any strong commitments to anyone or anything. These “high dependency” (needy) individuals mostly feel depressed, out of control, unreal, and weary with life. They often describe themselves as being or feeling numb. And they are the individuals who do drugs, alcohol, and other addictions to escape their sense of powerlessness. For many of these individuals, their addiction is the only way they know to control their lives, which is just another form of being out of control.
On the other hand, individuals who actively search for their identity are more likely to feel focused, energized, and in control of their lives. They are in touch with their power enough to want to learn more about themselves and to try to make changes in the negative aspects of their lives. They know how to cope with problems, responsibilities, and difficulties in a calm, effective manner. They have a sense of purpose and set goals for themselves.
Still, many needy individuals have not learned identity-building skills well enough to carry out their goals effectively.
Neither our educational system nor our mental health system has systematized training programs that teach basic adult coping skills that all adults must have to define and implement a fulfilled identity for themselves. It is not that this human development technology doesn’t exist; rather, it has not been pulled together and organized into comprehensive curricula in either the education or mental health fields. Until now. (Please see Classes for information about Adult Basic Coping Skills and Identity Building.)